Working to INform, Guide & Support
      Those who have been sexually abused within the Truth Fellowship

W.I.N.G.S.

FOR TRUTH

admin@wingsfortruth.info

"But the child's sob in the silence curses deeper Than the strong man in his wrath."
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Child Abuse doesn't hurt a little; it hurts for generations

Protecting children – who cannot speak for themselves – should not and cannot be discretionary and it is not only our moral duty, it is now the law. We all must be alert to those circumstances that, unless properly managed, pose a threat to the welfare of our children.

“…NOW it is high time to awake out of sleep”
Romans 13:11

REPORT CSA ANONYMOUSLY

UNDERSTANDING

Dorie: the Girl Nobody Loved 
~ By Dorie VanStone
This is the story of a little girl who was terribly abused, mistreated and alone until she found out that God loved her. It tells of how God protected her and sustained her. She eventually became a missionary. This is a good book for those who are discontent or need to see how God works all things out for our good.

 

No Place to Cry: The Hurt and Healing of Sexual Abuse

~ Dorie VanStoneAn account of how God brought Dorie healing. The book offers hope and help for others who have been abused.

Glenda's Story  

~ Glenda Revell

This is another moving story about a child in a terrible home situation. What encouraged me the most was when I discovered that I was reading another book by this lady,

With Love from a Mother's Heart.

~ Glenda Revell

It is a very good book where she gives some very straight, often hard hitting counsel, in the most loving way to young women. I was encouraged to see how God had matured this frightened, abused little child into a mature, Godly woman who gives wise counsel because of the things God brought her through

Trusting God - Even When Life Hurts

~ Jerry Bridges

All the books that I have read by Bridges have been very good but this one has changed my thinking more than any other book I have read. It helped me to see that everything that happens to me is for my good and God's glory.

Exquisite Agony

~Gene Edwards

This is a very good book along the same lines a Trusting God. It is quite a bit shorter though and its focus is on trusting God when people, especially Christians do wrong to you. He also wrote another book called A Tale of Three Kings. It is an embellished story of David, Solomon, and Absalom. It is very good for those who are in positions of leadership or who are preparing to be leaders. It will challenge your thinking about what a leader really is before God. The book is very easy to read. It only takes a few hours.

The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life 

~ Hannah Whitall Smith

The title of the book makes it sound a little trite but it is not. It is an old classic published in 1870. Hannah uses vivid stories and word pictures to help the reader understand how to rest in Christ. It helped me to see the personal relationship God has with me.

The Wounded Heart

~Dan B. Allender

This book gives hope to them by helping to understand the complex feelings after being abused. It tells why it happens, what the abuse does to the mind and spirit of the victim, how it affects others in relationship with the victim, and how one gets help. I highly recommend this book

 

The Courage to Heal

Based on the premise that "everyone wants to become whole," this book offers help and encouragement to women who were sexually abused in childhood. Through moving firstperson narratives, it illustrates how to come to terms with the past and work constructively towards the future. Along the way it describes the effects of sexual abuse, maps the stages survivors pass through, and offers practical guidance on dealing with self-defeating behaviors and building self-esteem. Supportive strategies are recommended to families, friends, and health-care professionals.

Barren Thoughts

I sit here and wonder how to tell my story.
Just how to let you know.
I once was a little girl who suddenly grew old.
Who was robbed of the childhood she never got to know.
She was 8 when it happened, 22 years ago.
As the adult she was forced to become, I'll tell the story of the battle that we won.
That battle is hers and mine to endure through this life long trial as one.
I'm almost 30 now and have finally come to realize that I need to set the story free.
To give that once child life within me.
I was sexually abused by my brother who was 11 or 12.
He would sneak into my room at nights, and climb into my bed.
He would touch me with his fingers and explore the parts I had.
He would jump into the shower as I washed away the sin.
He would hide under my bed and catch me undress.
He killed the little girl I was and only left the flesh.
I hold on to many secrets.
Still too afraid to tell.
I was his baby sister condemned to live this hell.
I was in the 8th grade when it suddenly stopped.
Stopped for him that is.
For me it goes on, in dreams that wake me and memories that haunt.
Over and over it happens in my head,
while growing up I pleaded with God for him to make me dead.
To take me out of this world so I couldn't feel all this pain inside of me.
I was ashamed of me, for everything he had done, why didn't I say anything, why didn't I run?
I had noone to talk to and felt so alone.
5 years after it was over my Mom came to me.
Forced me to talk about what happened to that child.
Asked me if I wanted them to talk to him, my brother that made me dead.
I didn't see what for what was done was done, how could them talking to him help me?
You see, he was their son, This couldn't happen to them.
They loved their children I must just be wrong.
Sure maybe something happened but it was just something small,
like a pat on the butt while we were playing ball.
It's best to keep this secret they said.
Noone needs to know.
I was forced again to be all alone.
I struggled with relationships, too afraid to let anyone in.
If I did they'd hurt me and reveal to you my sin.
I couldn't let anyone touch me.
It hurt too deep inside.
I'd find someone who loved me but I was never worth that gold.
I let them down easy and tell them it's just not there for me though, I never really knew?
One day I met a man who took me and saved me from another.
He brushed away a fear he must have seen in my heart
and I allowed him to enter without pain, without doubt.
I married that man.
It's been 11 years since then, he still loves me and I still love him.
We share together two children and my love continues to grow.
It's almost a happy ending to a story never told.
Still within me haunts the secrets I'll never forget.
Within me sits a secret Mom told me not to tell.
I live my life afraid.
I let people use me to get the things they want.
I do have opinions, but I never get to share.
I'm afraid they'll hurt someone or that noone will even care.
I hide inside a future I don't know I'll get to see,
one that's filled with happiness that I myself set free.
Right now I live in silence, yes, I do feel love.
But all this inside of me needs to find a way out.
Before it kills the part of me that allows the sun to come out.
Recently I told my story of how my life became
and called to tell my parents of the secret I let out.
I could hear their anger and suddenly it hit me.
The reason they wanted me to keep that secret wasn't to help me
but to protect the one who hurt me.
To keep our families pride.
I wasn't viewed a hero, I was sentenced there to die.
They told me to stop talking just when I've just began.
They fear of his reaction to others finding out.
Inside I cry in anger, what about MY heart?
Should I stop it from beating to set my brother free?
Or do I tell my story to help and heal me?
Seems I'm faced with so many decisions and I never know which one to trust.
I want to tell my story just to heal my heart.
To find a place where I belong, one where I am free.
Free to cry if I choose to without a question why.
I go on still wondering what to do.
I'm in a silent prison that noone sees but me.
Inside alone and tired ready to give up.
Give up the fight, give up the hope, give up my beating heart.
In order to save a family that never knew I hurt.
For now I live my life like I've been taught to live.
In silence and in pain, alone again behind my bars of sin...

BREAKING THE SILENCE DISCUSSION FORUM

S.N.A.P

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests

Sexual Abuse Pages

Adult Survivors
Organizations that have information on adult survivors of child abuse.

Hope

Fiery night,
windswept days,
a heart that bleeds
hands that pray.

Future is unsure,
I live within the now
every moment passes slowly,
still I survive somehow.

Within his dark eyes
shines the etheral moon,
he whispers low and soft,
"Soon, my darling, soon."

The constant beating,
of my ever faithful heart
holds the fragile promise,
"Never will we part."

So the steady rhythm
of my hopeful life goes on,
now within my hands I hold life,
my past already gone.

ART

Rage-aholic" by Linda Ness 

The seeds of hate and anger are symbolically reflected in this image. I inherited the seeds of these hurtful, evil spirited monsters and their slimy, perverted companions from my abusive, tyrannical father. As I became an adult, it was painful to witness these monsters of rage explode from me, hurting those closest to me. The words and emotions that came out of my mouth seemed beyond my control, coming from deep inside, exploding at their will - not mine.

By creating and understanding this image, I am able to recognize these ugly parts of myself. I see that although they are inside, they are NOT me. I need not fight, react to them or give them power. By examining these scary parts, I learned to recognize the triggers that give these monsters power and how to pull the plug so they no longer control my emotions or life.

"Out of Body" by Linda Ness

Although initially, I painted this image to rid myself of its haunting presence, I discovered after reading, “Courage to Heal” that I was not alone in seeing this view from the corner of the ceiling. I learned that leaving my body was my only escape. At the time, while I was being incested by my father, I remember trying to numb my body so much that there would be no way that he could hurt me. I became as dead as a log.

The image has helped me see that this is not from the mind of a crazy person , but a witness to the creativity of survival.

Small Child

This tragedy of life,
A small child torn and hurt,
Her innocence taken away.
So violent was his rage,
So angry the pain...

What's going on?
What did I do?
Why is he hurting me so, tearing me,
The Pain-
I try to scream and nothing is heard.
Why is he so angry with me?
What did I do to deserve this punishment....
He's gone now, I lie here bleeding and hurt.

I'm crying, but don't know why?
Nothing's happened, not really.
I must have awaken from a bad dream,
I lie shivering, clutching my; pillow,
Finally, crying myself to sleep.

It wasn't real,
Just an evil nightmare,
The first of many I'm soon to know.
It couldn't have really happened,
So it doesn't matter how I feel...

Or does it?

A FIGHT I WILL WIN

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE
WITH ALL THE DECEIT THAT HAS GONE ON BEFORE
ALONE EACH NIGHT,MY TEARS FLOW FREE
AN END TO MY SADNESS I CANNOT SEE
WITH EACH NEW DAY, I TRY ONCE MORE
I WONDER WHY,I ASK WHAT FOR?
THE PAST WONT CHANGE,WHATS DONE IS DONE
BUT I MUST KEEP GOING FOR MY SON
HE DESERVES THE LOVE THAT IVE NEVER KNOWN
I CANNOT LEAVE HIM ALL ALONE
SO EACH NEW MORNING I AWAKE
AND PUT ON A SMILE FOR MY SONS SAKE
ILL LOOK TO MY FUTURE,NOT DWELL ON MY PAST
I DESERVE HAPPINESS, I CAN SEE THAT AT LAST
I TELL MYSELF THIS,BUT SOMETIMES ITS HARD
MY HEART HAS BEEN SO DEEPLY SCARRED
AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL,THERE MUST BE A LIGHT
SO EVERYDAY I CONTINUE TO FIGHT

Answers From Within

To all those who search the inner depths

Darkness had surrounded me
With its bitter taste of pain

My thoughts had turned to doubt
Suffering remained

Fear was lingering behind me
A shadow of despair

Does any one care?

Awakening I see ahead of myself
What could be...
What I might find

Then somewhere, from nowhere
I hear a gentle voice
A whisper in my mind

Its me you're looking for
Here within
This is where I've always been.

POETRY

BOOKS

ART

If you would like to see "your" poetry or art on this page, please send to admin@wingsfortruth.info

LINKS

If you have read a book that has been helpful to you in your recovery and is not listed here, please email admin@wingsfortruth.info and we will add it.