How to save
children from sexual predators
MANY parents are so worried about
their children falling prey to pedophiles that they no longer allow their
children to walk to or from school, play in local parks unattended or wander
the streets with a group of friends.
Whilst these precautions are all
sensible, the dangers posed by pedophiles are more often than not posed by
people who are trusted by the parents and known to the child. Parents who have
unwittingly allowed their child to be preyed on by a trusted friend, relative
or professional acquaintance are often horrified that they did not notice what
was happening. They are also confronted by having placed their trust in someone
they judged as trustworthy only to find their trust has been betrayed. Every adult
can help free children from suffering sexual abuse and give them hope to
recover.
Despite speaking with many mothers
whose children have been sexually abused, I have not yet found one who
instinctively ‘knew’ what was happening and was able to save their child,
whether the offender was a member of the family,
a trusted acquaintance or professional person.
This is a sobering problem,
especially given that it is also very difficult to spot pedophiles. They do not
stand out in a crowd. They could be aged from mid teens or into their 90s, they
are almost always ‘good with children’, they come from all social classes,
education levels and professions. They
often hold positions of power.
The only people who know for sure
who the pedophiles are, are the victims. They often
suffer in silence, alone and are unable to escape. The only way then, for
society to identify, prosecute and remove these dangerous individuals from the
community is to listen carefully to children, to prevent abuse before it
begins, to give victims every possible assistance to recover and to report
offenders to the police.
Careful listening involves listening
to more than words. Children who are being sexually abused most often have been
threatened to keep the crimes of the offender secret. Children
who are being abused, then, are most likely NOT to tell anyone.
They are likely also to be
especially careful not to let anyone know or suspect what is happening to them.
The only clues they might give will be subconscious.
Parents of abuse victims who
eventually discover their child has been sexually assaulted can usually see
only in retrospect some minor change in behaviour or demeanour, or that the child is ‘not their usual self’ but
nothing more definitive. These are the subtle clues which all adults, parents,
teachers, sport coaches, doctors and others must learn to read if we are to
save children. In many cases of abuse, there are adults such as teachers, who
know the child and have suspicions or concerns about them but don't know
how to confirm or discount their concerns.
Young children’s drawings can often
give subconscious clues if the child is being abused.
South Australian child protection expert
Professor Freda Briggs says children who are victims of sexual
abuse and don’t have the language or permission to disclose what
is happening will often draw pictures of what is happening. They may
draw themselves with no arms, no mouth or no face even though they draw
arms and faces on pictures of other people . They
incorporate phallic symbols, choose 'angry' colours, such
as red , purple and black when they have a free
choice. Children who have been abused also commonly draw offenders
with big smiles but draw themselves as sad. Young
children who have been orally abused may draw oval mouths with exaggerated
pointed teeth.
Pictures can be a useful indicator but Professor
Briggs warns that not all child abuse victims express their emotions in
drawings and the lack of sexually explicit pictures should not be
interpreted as evidence that abuse has not occurred.
Older children who have been abused
are unlikely to be able to ‘tell the secret’ even if they are directly
asked whether they are being sexually abused. We must find other ways to
determine if a child is in danger.
Professor Briggs has formulated a
series of questions which can help adults who are concerned about a child to
get enough information from the child to determine whether further action is
needed. The adult should first explain to the child ‘I am really concerned
about you. Something is bothering you. Is
it something or somebody? If the problem is a person, ask where the problem
person is, whether at home, at school or somewhere else.
The second question ‘Is it a secret?’ reveals if the
problem is an illness or emotional or relationship upset or whether it is
something the child believes they must keep secret.
If the problem is not a secret, the
child can explain the problem and get help to address it.
If the problem is a secret then it
is important to find out more.
Asking the child ‘who else knows the secret?’, might reveal
the name of a sex offender/s and possibly other victims or conspirators. Be
prepared not to look shocked or disbelieving at anything the child says. For
example, the child might tell you the babysitter knows the secret and he/she
doesn’t like the games they play. The child might say an uncle and aunt know
the secret and a cousin knows the secret. It may be that the uncle is
offending, the aunt is aware but has not stopped the offending and that a
cousin is also a victim.
The final question is designed to
determine the level of fear the child has of telling the secret.
Asking ‘what will happen if you tell the
secret?’will
give an indication of the seriousness of the problem - offenders usually make
some kind of threat to prevent the child from telling anyone what is happening.
I have known victims who were threatened
that other family members would be abused or
killed if they told or that the child would be put in jail or
sent away. If the child reveals, for example that ‘Mummy will
die’ or "Police will take me away" if they tell the
secret, the child is obviously very frightened and
is likely to be a victim of serious offences. The
child needs immediate assurance that they will be protected. Expert help such
as a juvenile aid bureau police officer should be immediately called if the
child indicates any physical or emotional threat has been made by an adult to
the child or to other people.
To report
suspected offences against children contact your local
police or the Child Safety and Sexual Crime Group in
For
more information on protecting children, see Teaching Children to Protect Themselves: A Resource for teachers and
adults who care for young children, by Freda briggs
and Michael McVeity, published by Allen and
Unwin.
(Put these questions in a box:)
Help for Kids
I am really concerned about you.
Something is bothering you. Is it something or somebody?
Is the problem person at home, at
school or somewhere else?
Is it a secret?
Who else knows the secret?
What will happen if you tell the
secret?
Child Safety and
Sexual Crime Group,
Please
cut out the box of questions and keep them in your purse or wallet.
Amanda Gearing is
a journalist who has worked in the